You need to view this essay as you would one assigned to you at school, and structure it properly. It needs a clear thesis statement, a well-written body that supports the thesis, and a conclusion that is like a synopsis of your main points. This essay is lacking all of that, but with some work you could shape it up. Start by writing the thesis. Think of it as being like your tree trunk, and the main body as being branches that all belong to that tree. If something doesn’t correlate, either find a way to make it fit, or scrap it all together. The essay needs to be concise and cohesive, and of course, shouldn’t contain any spelling or grammatical errors. When I applied to Stanford last year and wrote this essay, my thesis was about how my personality matched my signature color, green. In the introductory paragraph I explained how it would become evident to my roommate that my favorite color is green on the day we moved in because virtually all my room decor is green or has it interwoven in, and most of the clothes I’ll be hanging up in the closet are green. I then wrote about the main traits of the color, and how they are representative of me as well. Every sentence described how a characteristic of mine fit with a symbolism of the color. Thoughtfully consider a creative thesis that is unique to you.

I strongly advise you not to turn in the essay as you have written it here because I do not think you will be accepted if you do. I’m not trying to be rude, but rather to encourage you to write an essay that will help you earn your spot at Stanford.

Good luck.

~ Peace

bands:

1. The Beatles
2. Breaking Benjamin
3. Secondhand Serenade
4. The Killers
5. Pearl Jam
6. Guns N’ Roses
7. Jason Mraz (i know he’s not a band but oh well)

films:

1. The Notebook
2. Pride and Prejudice
3. Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle
4. Bridget Jones Diary
5. Borat
6. Silence of the Lambs
7. SAW (every single one)
8. Juno
9. The Dark Knight
10. Made of Honour

books:

1. Anything written by Sarah Dessen
2. Arms and the Man

tv shows:

1. Reality
2. reaper (what happened to it??)

INTO: art, sheep (not as food though) sleeping, hockey, shoes, shopping, green tea, abercrombie models, being really, really thin, wii fit, volunteering.

NOT INTO: poor hygiene, general assholeness, republicans, cheaters, liars, and backstabbers, oh my.

MAKES ME HAPPY: new stuff, a really good song or book; feeling unselfish.

MAKES ME SAD: Having to be nice to people I dont like agree), missing a good sale, reviewing the current global situation, most songs out there

HOBBIES: sleeping, drawing, shopping

5 THINGS I CANT LIVE WITHOUT: shoes, clothes, green tea

VICES: being judgemental and b*tchy, taking things too seriously, laziness

I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: what free time? i would like to sleep more…oh and i love doing hair!

OCCUPATION: i need to go to college at the moment, i’ll be lucky if i work at f*cking mcdonalds.

CURRENT CRUSH: none i can think of

GETS ME HOT: hair, cheekbones, eyes, clothes

FAVOURITE POSITION: the sleeping one D:

I LOST MY VIRGINITY: i like your answer

CIGARETTES:no

ALCOHOL: uggh

MY KINK FACTOR: (:

POT: nope

MY STATUS: single

I WANT: shoes, shirts, and a pair of sweats that i reeeeeaaallly want, some art brushes, a bigger barrelled curling iron, a job, som tea

MY PIGEONHOLES: pigeons are f*cking scary.

tho am bored, very very bored, as sleep has refused to come to me all night, am not THAT bored. lol

films:

1. How to loose a guy in 10 days
2. the wizard of oz
3. clueless
4. of mice and men
5. mean girls
6. the color of money
7. cinderella
8. the holiday
9. Queen of the Damned
10. the notebook

books:

1. Of Mice and men
2. Anything by Sarah Dessen
3. Princess Diaries
4. The Diary of Anne Frank
5. Anything by Nora Roberts
6. Swallows of Kabul
7. The Kite Runner
8. The Funhouse

tv shows:

1. King of the hill
2. blind date
3. airline
4. animal planet

INTO: Dogs, Books, writing books,different restaurants.,Tattoos.

NOT INTO: Politicians.People that are: narrow minded,egotistical people,rude,unrealistic,unloyal.

MAKES ME HAPPY: Something new,Cooking, Movie nights.

MAKES ME SAD: Not having Money, Lying men.

HOBBIES: Reading,writing books,wasn’t this asked already??

5 THINGS I CANT LIVE WITHOUT: Toothbrush, Music, goals,Family

I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Eating, sleeping, Thinking,

OCCUPATION:Musician,writer,actor,student,clerical.

CURRENT CRUSH: none

GETS ME HOT: Eyes, open mindedness, Intelligence,world traveled,art career

CIGARETTES: Nope

ALCOHOL: Often

POT: Never

MY STATUS: single

I WANT: A new job I like

also….

“MY KINK FACTOR: I will piss on your dog while wrapped in clingfilm.”

WTF!?!!?!?!

It’s a 1937 British comedy.